Robert Alt of No Left Turns presents for our edification, the Liberals' Creed:
We believe that the war in Iraq conducted by a Republican president was unjustified because it lacked UN approval; We believe that the "military action" in Kosovo conducted by a Democratic president was justified without UN approval.
We believe that the Iraq war was unilateral. We believe that the participation of Albania, Australia, Azerbaijan, Bulgaria, Czech Republic, Denmark, Dominican Republic, El Salvador, Estonia, Georgia, Honduras, Hungary, Italy, Japan, Kazakhstan, South Korea, Latvia, Lithuania, Macedonia, Moldova, Mongolia, Netherlands, New Zealand, Norway, Philippines, Poland, Portugal, Romania, Slovakia, Spain, Thailand, United Kingdom, and Ukraine does not change the fact that the war was unilateral; We believe that multilateralism can only be achieved with the participation of France and Germany; We believe in multilateralism.
We believe that this war was motivated by greed and oil; We believe that when France, Germany, and Russia opposed the war, they were motivated by principle, and not by sweetheart oil deals or Oil-For-Food kickbacks; We believe that US oil prices are too high, and that the administration failed in its responsibility to do something about it.
We believe that the U.S. may only legitimately use force for humanitarian ends in one place if it does so in all places where aid might be needed; We believe that the U.S. may not quell threats in places where the cost is relatively low unless it is willing to use force in places like North Korea, where the cost in lives would likely be very high; We believe that a humanitarian action is only truly humanitarian if there are no strategic interests to muddle the altruism.
There's more along the same lines, and it's wickedly spot-on. Liberals will squirm. But turnabout is fair play. How about a link to the Conservatives' Creed? Anyone want to take a whack at it? Kevin at Preemptive Karma can start us off:
We believe the important thing is for us to find Osama bin Laden. It is our Number One priority and we will not rest until we find him; We believe we don't know where bin Laden is, we have no idea and really don't care. It's not that important. It's not our priority.
Or how about:
We believe that we do not have to get involved in the affairs of distant countries; we are not into nation building; We believe we can help create a free and democratic government in Iraq, as we did in Afghanistan.
What fun! Anyone else?
(Hat tip: Power Line)
UPDATE: It turns out that no one had to write a satirical piece on the Conservatives' Creed. As it happens, it already exists. It's the 2000 Republican Party platform, and it's a masterpiece of irony in hindsight.
(Hat tip: Matt Stoller via Swing Voter Weblog)
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